


And You'll Be Missing From The Photographs

by The_wastedworld



Series: Good Grief [2]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Adorable FitzSimmons (Agents of SHIELD), Anxiety, Bus Kids - Freeform, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Funeral, Gen, Grief, Guilt, Post-Season/Series 05 Finale, Sad, Speeches, memorial
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:20:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24883717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_wastedworld/pseuds/The_wastedworld
Summary: The team’s speeches that were missing from the funeral scenes in 5x22/6x06
Relationships: Jemma Simmons & Skye | Daisy Johnson, Leo Fitz & Jemma Simmons, Leo Fitz & Jemma Simmons & Skye | Daisy Johnson, Leo Fitz/Jemma Simmons, Melinda May & Jemma Simmons, Phil Coulson & Jemma Simmons
Series: Good Grief [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1800529
Comments: 8
Kudos: 36





	And You'll Be Missing From The Photographs

As she sat in the corner of the room at the impromptu memorial, gripping the step she was sat on so tightly that one might think it was the only thing tethering her to reality, she couldn't actually comprehend whether she was feeling guilty. Loss was the only thing she could even recognise, and even that felt muted and numb. She vaguely felt Coulson move to sit next to her, his hand on her shoulder as he faced her. Was he speaking to her? 

"Mack said he didn't really know what was going on. He wasn't scared, cracking jokes apparently. He knew Robin and Polly made it out, he knew they were okay."

Jemma didn't want to hear about his death. It didn't matter. No amount of placation would change the fact that she wasn't there. She'd said goodbye to him with a quick kiss and their customary "be careful", and that was the last thing she would ever say to him. This time guilt fought to dominate the regret overpowering her brain. 

She didn't care about Coulson's empty words, but she didn't want to hurt his feelings, so she merely turned to look at him. She was well aware she looked like a mess: swollen eyes, tied back hair and flushed cheeks. 

"I was going to make a little toast, talk about him for a bit, but....if you aren't ready to hear things like that I understand, it can wait." 

Jemma nodded at Coulson again, shrugging. 

"You can speak, I don't mind," she whispered, letting another few tears fall. She was long past even bothering to wipe them away, just letting them settle on her cheeks. Coulson stood, his seat almost immediately being filled by Daisy, her hand taking up its new place on Jemma's back, rubbing slow circles across it. As Coulson poured them all drinks, Daisy wordlessly handed Jemma something.

His ring.

She heard herself let out a small noise - a whimper, basically - taking the ring and holding it tight. She met Daisy's eyes and nodded again, blinking furiously against the new wave of tears. 

"So. It would hardly be a gathering if I didn't make a speech, huh?" Coulson started, giving an emotionless laugh. He wasn't wrong: speeches had become their new norm whenever the group had been together. 

"I'm not going to make it through this speech without crying, and neither is anyone else, so I suppose I won't even try. Fitz was the best of us. I could talk for the longest time about his humour, his dedication, his love, but we all knew him, it doesn't need to be stressed. I'm going to say this outright - he deserved better. He deserved to live a long and happy life, he deserved to be the husband and father we all know he could be."

As Coulson spoke, Daisy's grip on Jemma tightened. Neither really knew who this was trying to comfort more, but both instinctively leant in to in. 

"I don't know what else to say, other than Fitz was more of a son than I ever had. I loved him, and I know we all did. Fitz, God, What a man."

Coulson was wiping tears as he sat down, sparing a glance over at Jemma before feeling his heart break a little more. As the speeches went on, Jemma could feel herself closing in, staring at her hands as she tried to avoid breaking down.

When Mack stood up and took a deep sigh, she felt herself straightening up. Her friendship with Mack had never been straighforward - the two of them usually disagreeing over something to do with Fitz - but she couldn't ever deny that he was one of Fitz's closest friends. Despite her deep-rooted guilt at not being there for Fitz in his final moments, she couldn't have wished for anyone else than Mack.

"Turbo was one of the strangest people I've ever met. When I first met him, he could barely string a sentence together, expect when someone bought up video games or monkeys. Everyone spoke about this genius scientist, who raced around the base creating new, genius ideas, but I was intoduced to Fitz 2.0. He was just as much of a genius as you all said, just different. But honestly, I wouldn't change it. I got to see him build himself back up from no confidence whatsoever, to running across the world for the woman he loved. And it was an honour to watch."

Despite everything, Jemma couldn't helo but smile. The guilt she felt whenever anyone mentioned Maveth was still there, churning in her stomach, but this time it was mixed with pride. She was proud to have married someone so loving, so dedicated. It was an honour to have loved him.

"Fitz died doing two things - worrying about everyone else, and cracking a joke. As he lay there, he-"

Jemma faintly heard him pause, but all she could really hear was a rushing noise. Her vision narrowed in a way that should have worried her, if only she could bring herself to care. When she glanced up, she met Daisy's eyes, panicked.

"Jem, you haven't taken a breath in a long time, you need to-"

Jemma nodded, finally pulling in a breath. When she'd calmed down long enough to look up properly, she was met with Mack's gaze, questioning. She couldn't answer.

"Mack, maybe...maybe skip that part?" Coulson muttered, throwing Jemma a nervous look. Mack nodded again, glancing down. 

"Turbo, you were quite someone. I'm going to regret not being able to save him or the rest of my life, but I take comfort in knowing he..he died as he lived. Saving people."

Jemma had mostly stopped paying attention to whatever happened after that, only noticing anyone had moved when Daisy's hand left her back. When she looked up, Daisy was holding her drink up, tears already streaming down her face.

"Fitz was my brother. He was kind of my younger, goofy brother who sort of had a crush on me for a little while there. He was the first person to help me through the craziness of becoming Inhuman, and he rarely stopped supporting me. I know the last week or so has been painful and awful, but losing him made me realise just how much I loved him. I hate that the last time I ever spoke to him it was cold and mean. I don't-" Daisy paused here, putting her hand over her mouth and stifling a few sobs. She glanced up at the ceiling, desperately trying to stop her tears. 

"I don't know if I'll ever forgive myself for that. Fitz was the kindest and funniest person I've ever met. God, Fitz, my brother, you deserved so much better. I love you."

It was actually Jemma who initiated their hug this time, pulling Daisy into an embrace as both of them sobbed. She couldn't help but think back to the last time they'd stood like this, facing off a group of LMDs having lost their teammates. Daisy had sworn that her story with Fitz didn't end there, promising that they would get their happy ending. Maybe they did. It was just shorter than they'd imagined.

Before she'd even registered what was happening, she was standing, taking the unofficial speech spot in front of them all. She paused for a long while, staring at the floor. When she looked up, she was met with five equally teary looks. Coulson and Mack were on their third or fourth drinks, Yoyo was standing in the corner ignoring everyone, and Daisy was staring up at her with equal parts devestation and pride, but weirdly it was May's look which hurt the most. The way she was looking as though she had ran out of energy to even pretend to be strong, like she'd just been drained and was too tired to pretend otherwise. Jemma recognised it from herself.

"Jemma, look at me," Coulson whispered, breaking her from her thoughts. 

"You don't have to say anything. We will all understand."

Jemma nodded, but opened her mouth anyway.

"I...I wasn't expecting to speak today. I felt as though this memorial was something that everyone but me needed. I mean...it's hardly like I'm ever forgetting him, right?"

Her half hearted attempt at a joke fell flat, and she choked a sob before carrying on, ignoring how often her voice cracked whenever she spoke.

"I know everybody already knows this, but I'm going to say it regardless. I love Fitz. I love him so much that it scares me. My life has been part of his since we were children, I built my identity around him. And it scares me so much...the thought of having to live without him. I know we nearly lost each other every few months, practically, but I was never prepared. I thought I could at least imagine it, but this is a new level. God, it's so much more than I ever imagined." Her voice broke at this point, and she gripped the table to stay upright. Daisy looked as though she was about to stand up and come to her, so she merely shook her head. 

"I'm nearly done, I promise. He used to say that we were cursed, and that the cosmos wanted us to never be happy. I always laughed at him, told him he was being ridiculous. He never really believed me, until he proposed. He told me a love like ours was stronger than any curse. It was the first time he'd ever confessed to believing in us. And whilst it kills me that he died without ever-" her voice broke again, choking on her sobs. "he died without ever saying goodbye to me, and it destroys me, but at least he never realised it was the end. He died hopeful, and that's all I ever wanted for him. He loved you all so much, and I hope you all know that. Fitz...God. You were my best friend, and so much more than that." 

She took another deep breath and went to walk away, but then she turned back. She glanced at her hand - her wedding ring, and his, clutched in her fist - and sighed. 

"Lastly...two weeks ago we stood opposite each other and gave our wedding vows. He was always the romantic one, the one with the gift for words, so I'll just borrow his. Fitz...words don't really seem enough, I think that you are perfect, and I didn't deserve you...I was the lucky one, on any planet."

As she finished speaking, she felt her knees give way. As she fell, she saw Daisy and May step and catch her. Her eyes fluttered shut, finally giving up after days of exhaustion and pure heartbreak. As everything gradually faded to dark, she had one overwhelming thought:

Please come back.

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on twitter : @the_wastedworld :)


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